The boy pointed at me.
« Who is she? »
Sadie’s voice was trembling.
« It’s Diane. »
The little boy smiled.
» Hi. »
I couldn’t answer.
I watched Sadie.
» No. »
Her eyes filled with tears.
« Diane. »
» No. »
« I wanted to tell you. »
My hands began to tremble.
« Tell me what? »
She looked at the little boy.
« Handsome, darling, can you go play with Jasper? »
He hesitated.
« Can I have some cookies? »
» Yes. »
» Two ? »
Sadie gave a faint smile.
» Two. »
He disappeared towards the kitchen, followed by Jasper.
I waited until he had left.
Then I turned towards her.
« Tell me about it. »
Sadie sat down slowly.
I remained standing.
« Beau is Caleb’s son. »
The room seemed to tip over.
I grabbed onto the back of a chair.
» What ? »
Sadie wiped her face.
« I discovered I was pregnant after Caleb died. »
I stared at her.
All the noises around me seemed distant.
The fridge was humming.
A dog collar was jingling somewhere in the kitchen.
A child opened a cupboard.
I could hear all of that.
And yet, I could barely understand the woman sitting five feet away from me.
« You’ve known for three years? »
« I didn’t know that before the accident. »
« But you found out later. »
» Yes. »
« And you never told me anything? »
His face darkened.
« I was afraid. »
I moved away from the chair.
« Afraid of what? »
« Everything. »
Her voice broke.
« My parents were furious. Caleb and I weren’t together anymore. I was 18 and pregnant, and then he died. »
She pressed both hands against her face.
« I didn’t know what to do. »
I wanted to be angry.
Part of me was furious.
Three years.
Three birthdays.
Three Christmases.
Three years of mourning a son while her child lived somewhere on the other side of town.
« Why didn’t you come to see me? »
Sadie looked up.
« Because I thought you would hate me. »
« Why would I hate you? »
« Because things ended badly between Caleb and me. »
I shook my head.
« It had nothing to do with me. »
« I felt like it concerned me at the time. »
She looked towards the kitchen.
« My parents told me not to contact you. They said you’ve suffered enough. »
I let out a broken laugh.
« Have you suffered enough? »
» I know. »
« No, Sadie. You don’t know. »
She flinched.
I hated the idea that I had hurt you.
But I couldn’t stop.
« Do you realize how many Sundays I’ve sat by my son’s grave, dreaming of having even just a tiny piece of him? »
Tears were streaming down her cheeks.
» Yes. »
« While his son was still there? »
« I almost called you a hundred times. »
« So why didn’t you do it? »
She glanced back towards the corridor.
« Because every passing month made things more difficult. »
This answer hurt me, because I understood it.
That’s what grief is.
A day that seems insurmountable turns into a week.
Then a month.
Then years passed.
I sat down opposite her.
My anger had not disappeared.
But something else had crept into the room.
Astonishment.
« Does Beau know about Caleb? »
Sadie nodded.
« I tell her about her dad. »
She picked up her phone.
« I have photos. »
My throat tightened.
« Photos? »
« From Caleb. From us. Some at school. »
She opened a file and handed me the phone.
It showed Caleb at 18 years old, smiling at the camera.
Next to him was Sadie.
Then Beau.
Same smile.
The same crooked eyebrow.
I covered my mouth.
« Oh, Caleb. »
Sadie started crying again.
« I’m sorry. »
I gave him back the phone.
« And Jasper, is he part of the story? »
For the first time, she almost smiled.
« Jasper was Caleb’s. »
I blinked.
» What ? »
« Not officially. Caleb found it behind the grocery store the summer before senior year. »
A memory then came back to me.
Caleb, who came home late several nights that summer.
The dog food that kept disappearing from our garage.
I had assumed he was feeding a neighbor’s pet.
Sadie continued.
« He kept Jasper behind my parents’ shed for weeks. Then my father finally let me keep him. »
I looked towards the kitchen.
« That’s why he goes to the cemetery. »
« He remembers Caleb. »
I looked down at my hands.
Suddenly, everything made sense for those Sundays.
Jasper hadn’t chosen a grave at random.
He wasn’t just wandering around aimlessly.
He was visiting someone he loved.
Just like me.
Beau returned to the room holding two cookies.
He slipped in next to Sadie.
Then he looked at me intently.
« Mom says my dad was funny. »
I laughed through my tears.
» It’s true. »
Beau smiled.
« Did you know him? »
I watched Sadie.
She nodded.
I crouched down in front of him.
« I knew him very well. »
» How ? »
My voice broke.
« Because he was my little boy. »
Beau thought for a moment.
Then his face lit up.
« So you’re my grandma? »
At first, I couldn’t speak.
I simply nodded in agreement.
He leaned towards me and hugged me.
It was clumsy and spontaneous.
A small arm was wrapped around my neck while the other still held a biscuit.
I closed my eyes.
For three years, I had believed that the accident had deprived me of all future versions of Caleb.
His marriage.
His children.
To see him grow old.
I was wrong.
Not quite.
That evening, Sadie and I talked until the light began to fade outside.
We didn’t resolve anything in one afternoon.
Anger had to be overcome.
There were questions she couldn’t answer, and years we could never make up for.
But before I left, she gave me her number.
Then Beau asked me if I would come back to visit him.
« Yes, » I replied.
« As soon as you allow me. »
The following Sunday, I returned to Caleb’s grave.
This time, I wasn’t alone.
Sadie was standing by my side.
Beau was holding my hand.
Jasper was lying in his usual place, near the tombstone.
I touched on Caleb’s name and smiled through my tears.
« You really could have found a simpler way to introduce us. »
Jasper raised his head.
Beau chuckled.
And for the first time in three years, I left the cemetery with something other than sorrow in my heart.
I left holding my grandson’s hand.
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